A Little Bit of Everything

Ho-Ho-No

So here we go. First off, let me tell you that the bar-crawl I went to in the last post, although it was fun, was slightly less than perfect due to the fact that I got FOOD POISONING at Jack Astor's the night before. I believe it was due to some undercooked chicken. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly into drinking that night, which normally is fine. However, when a busload of santas (no seriously, 33 of 'em) showed up at one of the bars we were at, I felt like I was drunk, which confused me. It was even scarier when one of the Santas knew my name! It ended up being a kid from highschool, but how awkward is that? A busload of Santas...psh.

Howdy, Ya'll

So I got back from my trip to NC on Saturday. And can I tell you, I had the best time! Sare and I were going non-stop. Like, we seriously didn't get enough sleep! The last night, we went out and I ended up just staying out until my 6AM flight. We did more in 4 days than I do in 4 weeks around here. It really made me stop and evaulate my living/job/social situation. I don't know...Charlotte might be calling to me. We'll see.

Speaking of Voices

As of late, I have noticed a tendency for deja vu and my "ESP" to kick in. It's like, I'll know something is going to happen before it does, or I'll get an image in my mind of a situation before it actually happens. Sometimes the images don't make sense until they happen, and I don't usually say anything about it before the fact, just when it happens. I think that's ESP. I don't know. Maybe its just residual effects from the bad chicken. Whatever.

Okay this post was lacking in substance, but I enjoyed it.

Check ya later!

-Mony P

Hello to All the Happy, Shiny People

And hello to all the sad, dull kids too. I guess.

Things that have made me happy and shiny, as of late:

1. Bar-Crawl, Buffalo Style

Yes, the bar-crawl I went on in Rochester last month was merely a reproduction a much more famous bar-crawl done in Buffalo. Who runs it? I don't know. All I know is that my friend's boyfriend knows 'em and we're starting at 2PM this Saturday. We've also got a hotel, and I love staying in hotels (even thought I know they're secretly crawling with germs). Ice machine relays, anyone?

2. Helio Castroneves won Dancing With The Stars.

Thank the Lord. I wouldn't have minded if Mel B. won, she's good in her own right. But Marie Osmond? What was WITH that wacko rag-doll dance?! I mean, I get the concept, Marie. You're a "world-famous" doll designer. But some things just don't mix, like you and constructive criticism. Dolls don't dance for a reason. They are there to look pretty in their "fancy", overpriced dresses, not to bust a move. Hello, Chucky? Gross. Dancing, moving dolls are scary, bottom line.

Oh, and props to Helio, for not only winning, but for being happy and shiny while doing it. The smiley Brazilian race-car driver took home the super sparkly trophy last night. Mmmm alliteration.

3. North Carolina or BUST!!!

Yes, my pending trip to visit one of my bff's, Little Miss Sexy Sare herself, is less than a week away! I can't wait to spend some time in the south, and I've been watching Paula Dean on The Food Network to prepare. From what I've gathered so far, they eat a lot of butter, are very polite, and have an accent. ;) I can't WAIT to see for myself.

Have a good one, ya'll!

-Mony Pony

Best Thanksgiving Ever...(so far)

Why?

1. I came, I trotted, I conquered.

So, I felt the need to express the fact that it is only 12:00 noon-ish and I am already having the MOST fabulous Thanksgiving Day. Why, you might ask? A little thing we here in Buffalo like to call the Turkey Trot. It's an 8K road race (4.96 miles for all you metric-phobes) and I actually finished it, in 1 hour and 4 minutes. Now, to the unaware passerby, this might not seem so sensational. However, those of you who really know me, know what a freakin' awesome feat this was for me. Correction: it would have been an unattainable feat, a few months back. But not today. Sweatin' it on the good 'ol treadmill paid off. I triumphed, with the help of my dear friend SJ and her mother and brother. I guess there was a reason I am friends with so many runners...I couldn't have done it without their advice and encouragement. I'd also like to thank the Academy. I feel like a million bucks.

2. Life can be so much sweeter than Art.

I would just like to give "Thanks" for being privy to one of the most beautiful moments I've ever witnessed. (I mean, my sister's weddings were good, but that was a long time ago=old news).What happened is that me, SJ, her mom and brother get back to her house after trottin' it. We start to say out goodbyes (and we're already super happy because we did the race, and I am especially ecstatic because it was my first one...I mean, I was high as a kite) and then SJ's sister sticks her head out the door. She says hello to everyone and then says "Monica, come inside for a minute" and I'm like, "Why?!" because I have no idea why she would want me to come inside. I mean, we're friendly but we don't braid each-other's hair or anything. Maybe she wanted to show me a picture or someti- and then it hit me. My ESP totally kicked in and I knew. But you don't, so I'll tell you.

We get inside, and SJ's mom SCREAMS because her eldest son, who is in the Army, surprised them all and flew home for Thanksgiving. I mean, you can watch a million "soldier homecomings" on Good Morning America or whatever, and they totally make you tear up. But this, this was like witnessing a brilliant composition or classic painting being created by a master, before your eyes. Seriously, maybe my endorphins were just on over-load, but it was like a work of art. Her mother's tears were the brush strokes and I won't forget it for the rest of my life. To see such pure joy emanating from a person, without agenda or because someone bought them something, was just thrilling. And after the initial shock and hugs we chatted a bit, I said a few things that didn't make sense and I bid my adieu. However, I am thankful that I got to witness such a display of love and that SJ and her family are truly having a happy Thanksgiving.

3. PIE, without guilt.

Yes, I run/walked 5 miles today. That means I get to eat lots of pie. The anticipation in palatable. ;)

Now, I have to dry my hair and such because we're leaving for my sister's house at 2. I hope everyone has a dynamite Thanksgiving!

Let's Play Catch Up

So here's a recap of "The Best" of the last two weeks.

1.) My 61 year-old Mother Learns the Wii

Yes, at my niece's 7th (I think) birthday party, my mother was invited by her grandchildren to play tennis on the Wii. Always eager to please the kiddies, my mother accepted. If you have never witnessed the hilarity of a computer-bashing baby-boomer, swatting around a Wii controller, you don't know funny. The best part was watching her try to serve, "I don't...what? I AM holding down the button!" Meanwhile, my other niece is screaming, "It's up and over Grandma!! No! UP AND OVER!"

I guess you had to be there.

2.) Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Frappucino

Mmm, I just had the pleasure of enjoying a mouth-wateringly delicious, Starbucks Grande Pumpkin Spice Frappucino Light. (Eff the writer's strike, hire me! I even MAKE UP words!) Ahh...Pumpkin Spice time at Starbucks is truly a reason to celebrate the season. However, I think I might have surprised them at the counter this afternoon. For one, the place was packed with people swathed in scarves, huddling over their steaming lattes and green teas, the sound of hot beverages percolating behind the counter. I requested my frapp and the gal who makes the drinks kind of winced at my order. Or maybe she just had a twitch. Either way, yes, I ordered a frozen drink, and it is supposed to SNOW today. What can I say, I'm dangerous. I like a cold beverage, anytime of the year. Do you know what I call those naysayers who switch to hot beverages when the weather turns cold? WEAK.

3.) This Picture I Just Drew:

Yes, that picture is obvious time well-spent. Good job, me.

I think anything I might have added after that picture just wouldn't contend. Some might think those three topics being labeled "The Best" of my last 2 weeks is a sad thing. Me, I think its pretty darn fabulous. So that's all, I'm out.

Keep it cool,

Mony Pony

Things Aren't ALWAYS Funny...(When You're Unemployed)

First off, I think I should respond to the comments from my very first entry.

Andie, S-J, Katiebaby, SHOE and Lisa: You are all dears. Yes, I just may seem "crazy," but I wouldn't have it any other way (isn't that a song or something?)

jb: I'm sorry that you have yet to laugh at this journal. I've written two entries. I'm finding my stride. If anyone would like to read my old, messy, but apparently laughable journal by all means, click away.

So now, I will answer my own questions...

1. Why the lack of entries and humor?

Ans: Its difficult to write poignant witticisms when one is UNEMPLOYED. Do you know what I do all day?

A typical day, when I'm not at a hair appointment, job interview, or audition: I wake up, hopefully in time to watch The View with my mom. I eat breakfast, usually cereal, unless I can convince my retired, yet, tired mother to make me a veggie omelette (today, I succeeded. Score!)

After the initial wake-up period I usually retire to my basement room, or as I like to refer to it, The Bat Cave. I'll sit on my bed for a few hours, checking e-mails, surfing the net, and applying for jobs. I have mastered the art of the cover-letter, thanks in part to a template I stole from my former housemate's boyfriend. ;)

Around 3 PM I decide if I'm going to continue to hibernate (some people call it being depressed, but whatever), or get up and go to the gym, or out shopping. I'm usually 50-50 on the decision. Today, for instance, I will go to the gym, but I might wait until the Pilates class later on. Oooh...tricky!

If I go shopping, I tend to buy things I don't need with money I don't have. I spent almost 70 dollars yesterday, on Halloween makeup, moisturizer, q-tips and hair products. The most interesting conversation I had was with the cashier at CVS, and she was talking to someone else.
The rest of my day is filled with half-hearted attempts to clean my room, fielding "lunchtime" phone calls from friends, perusing the classifieds and then eating a delicious, homemade meal.

Now, you might think: "Mony, get your ass up off the bed and live! Apply for more jobs! You're just not TRYING hard enough". Well, after Miss Mony applies for jobs, and signs up for auditions, and gets her hair done, she waits. Yes, I shop for suits, I read a buncha self-help books, and I wait. Even in the glory of my newly highlighted hair, in the back of my large head, I am waiting.

(Me, with new highlights)

So that is why, things aren't always funny. I mean, usually they are, but not always.

A Note on Waiting:

The more intense the waiting situation, the funnier it is. For instance, I used to think people were crazy when they complained about waiting at the DMV. It can't be thaaat long. Well, it isn't. But its the most intensely annoying waiting situation I've ever been in. Standing in line at the DMV might only take like, 15 minutes. However, its the process that kills you.

You wait in the first line to get a number. Then, you sit or stand and wait for your number to be called. You are next to a lady who obviously has pink-eye and a one-legged man who keeps singing under his breath. There is a little kid next to you, who keeps picking his boogers and eating it. You stare at the red numbers on that digital counter thing, the one you thought only existed at deli counters. Your number is only 4 away.

Why is it taking so long?! Why!?! Wait, they just went back a number. How is that even possible?! They don't do that in the deli, they only go forward! Otherwise it would be a count down! Can you imagine a count down for cold-cuts!? (No seriously though, how awesome would that be. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Pastrami!) Oh my gosh, your throat is closing up. You can't breathe. You're going to yell something totally inappropriate in like, two seconds...oh, there's your number. Whew.

So, yeah, being unemployed is not as intense, therefore, not as funny.

Maybe I'll ham it up for you next time. ;)

-Mony Pony

What's Up, Monday?

Good evening. Nothing ridiculously exciting happened today, but a few notable moments:

1. Hillary Clinton on The View

She was...well, good. Distinguished, yet approachable. Strong, but realistic. It was the first time I sat down and listened, not only to what she had to say, but HOW she said it. Let me tell you, that woman had us wrapped around her little, rhetoric ringed finger. Hillary knows how to hold a crowd. Hillary knows what the people want. And it seems, she might soon be in a position to give it to us.

Hillary's First THREE Moves as President (per Whoopi's question):

1. Begin to withdraw troops from Iraq "carefully".
2. Send distinguished Americans from both parties around the world, spreading message that "Cowboy Diplomacy" is over.
3. Rebuild strong and prosperous middle class.

My favorite moment from the interview: Hillary states, "...on China for example, you know, we've gotta figure out how we're going to work with China, but we also can't be patsies..."Yes, she used the word "patsy", and it wasn't even weird.

Check out the excerpts from the interview on The View's webpage. Also check out the "Can't Miss Moment" quote from today. Joy swears a lot.

2. So I went to JC Penney today.

I went to buy my mom some sneakers. They are the same sneakers she has been wearing for over 30 years. They are the Reebok "Princess" cut sneakers and they are soooo cool. But that's not the notable moment. Actually, I couldn't buy the sneaks because they didn't have her size (8.5).








(rbk.com)
No no, the notable moment was when I purchased five new pairs of super cute, (but tasteful) underwear. I won't say the other word people use, because it creeps me out. But it kinda sounds like "patsy". Anyways, so I go up to the counter to buy my undies. The sales lady is the most adorable, kind, friendly person I have encountered in days. She was probably in her mid 70's to mid 80's (I'm a bad judge of age). And she was just so pleasant. She said something along the lines of, "Alright, there's your receipt dear! Have a great night and thank you for shopping at JC Penney".

This, made me all warm and fuzzy inside. So I said, "Gee thanks, you too!" Okay, I'm lying. I don't say the word, "Gee" as an exclamation. But I felt it. I felt as if I was stepping into a era gone by. Like, maybe the 60's or something. Probably whenever she started working at JC Penney's. When, "have a good day" was said with conviction, instead of rattled off to fill some corporate quota. And it makes me sad, because she wasn't the first older woman I've encountered who has treated me so well.

My point...what happens when they die? What happens when the gum chewing, teeny boppers and the irritated. middle-aged sales people succeed these femmes des resistances? (Yes, fake, butchered French). Will they get nicer? Or will the pleasant experience I had today be but a moment captured in time?

I don't know, but I hope not.

Now I'm going to watch Dancing With the Stars and the Sabres game with my parents. Nothin' wrong with that. ;)

Why, Hello There!

Well, well, well. What have we here? It looks like a brand new blog. Probably written by some smart-alec, self obsessed, twenty-something, whose main concerns are tabloid gossip and the latest style of shoes. I can't wait to read her butchered grammar and running commentary on which "Celebrity Rap Superstar" should be voted off MTV. I wonder how many times she will misuse the words, "they're, their and there". Maybe I should start a pool.

Reservations aside, this little number is here to stay. And, she's got a lot to say. (Ooh, a rhyme). Although this blog may be written by a smart-alec, self obsessed, twenty-something, her main concern is NOT tabloid fodder and the hottest shoes. She is only mildly concerned with those topics. She does not profess to be a grammar whiz but will try her darndest not to mix up contractions with pronouns and nouns.

She will also stop writing in the third person RIGHT NOW, because it is making me sick.

This entry contains absolutely no substance, but that's all I'm writing tonight. It tuckered me out just starting this thing. I hope the 3 people that wanted me to write again are happy.

I'll have more to say tomorrow, I'm sure.

Its been a pleasure,

Mony Pony