Things Aren't ALWAYS Funny...(When You're Unemployed)

First off, I think I should respond to the comments from my very first entry.

Andie, S-J, Katiebaby, SHOE and Lisa: You are all dears. Yes, I just may seem "crazy," but I wouldn't have it any other way (isn't that a song or something?)

jb: I'm sorry that you have yet to laugh at this journal. I've written two entries. I'm finding my stride. If anyone would like to read my old, messy, but apparently laughable journal by all means, click away.

So now, I will answer my own questions...

1. Why the lack of entries and humor?

Ans: Its difficult to write poignant witticisms when one is UNEMPLOYED. Do you know what I do all day?

A typical day, when I'm not at a hair appointment, job interview, or audition: I wake up, hopefully in time to watch The View with my mom. I eat breakfast, usually cereal, unless I can convince my retired, yet, tired mother to make me a veggie omelette (today, I succeeded. Score!)

After the initial wake-up period I usually retire to my basement room, or as I like to refer to it, The Bat Cave. I'll sit on my bed for a few hours, checking e-mails, surfing the net, and applying for jobs. I have mastered the art of the cover-letter, thanks in part to a template I stole from my former housemate's boyfriend. ;)

Around 3 PM I decide if I'm going to continue to hibernate (some people call it being depressed, but whatever), or get up and go to the gym, or out shopping. I'm usually 50-50 on the decision. Today, for instance, I will go to the gym, but I might wait until the Pilates class later on. Oooh...tricky!

If I go shopping, I tend to buy things I don't need with money I don't have. I spent almost 70 dollars yesterday, on Halloween makeup, moisturizer, q-tips and hair products. The most interesting conversation I had was with the cashier at CVS, and she was talking to someone else.
The rest of my day is filled with half-hearted attempts to clean my room, fielding "lunchtime" phone calls from friends, perusing the classifieds and then eating a delicious, homemade meal.

Now, you might think: "Mony, get your ass up off the bed and live! Apply for more jobs! You're just not TRYING hard enough". Well, after Miss Mony applies for jobs, and signs up for auditions, and gets her hair done, she waits. Yes, I shop for suits, I read a buncha self-help books, and I wait. Even in the glory of my newly highlighted hair, in the back of my large head, I am waiting.

(Me, with new highlights)

So that is why, things aren't always funny. I mean, usually they are, but not always.

A Note on Waiting:

The more intense the waiting situation, the funnier it is. For instance, I used to think people were crazy when they complained about waiting at the DMV. It can't be thaaat long. Well, it isn't. But its the most intensely annoying waiting situation I've ever been in. Standing in line at the DMV might only take like, 15 minutes. However, its the process that kills you.

You wait in the first line to get a number. Then, you sit or stand and wait for your number to be called. You are next to a lady who obviously has pink-eye and a one-legged man who keeps singing under his breath. There is a little kid next to you, who keeps picking his boogers and eating it. You stare at the red numbers on that digital counter thing, the one you thought only existed at deli counters. Your number is only 4 away.

Why is it taking so long?! Why!?! Wait, they just went back a number. How is that even possible?! They don't do that in the deli, they only go forward! Otherwise it would be a count down! Can you imagine a count down for cold-cuts!? (No seriously though, how awesome would that be. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Pastrami!) Oh my gosh, your throat is closing up. You can't breathe. You're going to yell something totally inappropriate in like, two seconds...oh, there's your number. Whew.

So, yeah, being unemployed is not as intense, therefore, not as funny.

Maybe I'll ham it up for you next time. ;)

-Mony Pony

What's Up, Monday?

Good evening. Nothing ridiculously exciting happened today, but a few notable moments:

1. Hillary Clinton on The View

She was...well, good. Distinguished, yet approachable. Strong, but realistic. It was the first time I sat down and listened, not only to what she had to say, but HOW she said it. Let me tell you, that woman had us wrapped around her little, rhetoric ringed finger. Hillary knows how to hold a crowd. Hillary knows what the people want. And it seems, she might soon be in a position to give it to us.

Hillary's First THREE Moves as President (per Whoopi's question):

1. Begin to withdraw troops from Iraq "carefully".
2. Send distinguished Americans from both parties around the world, spreading message that "Cowboy Diplomacy" is over.
3. Rebuild strong and prosperous middle class.

My favorite moment from the interview: Hillary states, "...on China for example, you know, we've gotta figure out how we're going to work with China, but we also can't be patsies..."Yes, she used the word "patsy", and it wasn't even weird.

Check out the excerpts from the interview on The View's webpage. Also check out the "Can't Miss Moment" quote from today. Joy swears a lot.

2. So I went to JC Penney today.

I went to buy my mom some sneakers. They are the same sneakers she has been wearing for over 30 years. They are the Reebok "Princess" cut sneakers and they are soooo cool. But that's not the notable moment. Actually, I couldn't buy the sneaks because they didn't have her size (8.5).








(rbk.com)
No no, the notable moment was when I purchased five new pairs of super cute, (but tasteful) underwear. I won't say the other word people use, because it creeps me out. But it kinda sounds like "patsy". Anyways, so I go up to the counter to buy my undies. The sales lady is the most adorable, kind, friendly person I have encountered in days. She was probably in her mid 70's to mid 80's (I'm a bad judge of age). And she was just so pleasant. She said something along the lines of, "Alright, there's your receipt dear! Have a great night and thank you for shopping at JC Penney".

This, made me all warm and fuzzy inside. So I said, "Gee thanks, you too!" Okay, I'm lying. I don't say the word, "Gee" as an exclamation. But I felt it. I felt as if I was stepping into a era gone by. Like, maybe the 60's or something. Probably whenever she started working at JC Penney's. When, "have a good day" was said with conviction, instead of rattled off to fill some corporate quota. And it makes me sad, because she wasn't the first older woman I've encountered who has treated me so well.

My point...what happens when they die? What happens when the gum chewing, teeny boppers and the irritated. middle-aged sales people succeed these femmes des resistances? (Yes, fake, butchered French). Will they get nicer? Or will the pleasant experience I had today be but a moment captured in time?

I don't know, but I hope not.

Now I'm going to watch Dancing With the Stars and the Sabres game with my parents. Nothin' wrong with that. ;)

Why, Hello There!

Well, well, well. What have we here? It looks like a brand new blog. Probably written by some smart-alec, self obsessed, twenty-something, whose main concerns are tabloid gossip and the latest style of shoes. I can't wait to read her butchered grammar and running commentary on which "Celebrity Rap Superstar" should be voted off MTV. I wonder how many times she will misuse the words, "they're, their and there". Maybe I should start a pool.

Reservations aside, this little number is here to stay. And, she's got a lot to say. (Ooh, a rhyme). Although this blog may be written by a smart-alec, self obsessed, twenty-something, her main concern is NOT tabloid fodder and the hottest shoes. She is only mildly concerned with those topics. She does not profess to be a grammar whiz but will try her darndest not to mix up contractions with pronouns and nouns.

She will also stop writing in the third person RIGHT NOW, because it is making me sick.

This entry contains absolutely no substance, but that's all I'm writing tonight. It tuckered me out just starting this thing. I hope the 3 people that wanted me to write again are happy.

I'll have more to say tomorrow, I'm sure.

Its been a pleasure,

Mony Pony