Andie, S-J, Katiebaby, SHOE and Lisa: You are all dears. Yes, I just may seem "crazy," but I wouldn't have it any other way (isn't that a song or something?)
jb: I'm sorry that you have yet to laugh at this journal. I've written two entries. I'm finding my stride. If anyone would like to read my old, messy, but apparently laughable journal by all means, click away.
So now, I will answer my own questions...
1. Why the lack of entries and humor?
Ans: Its difficult to write poignant witticisms when one is UNEMPLOYED. Do you know what I do all day?
A typical day, when I'm not at a hair appointment, job interview, or audition: I wake up, hopefully in time to watch The View with my mom. I eat breakfast, usually cereal, unless I can convince my retired, yet, tired mother to make me a veggie omelette (today, I succeeded. Score!)
After the initial wake-up period I usually retire to my basement room, or as I like to refer to it, The Bat Cave. I'll sit on my bed for a few hours, checking e-mails, surfing the net, and applying for jobs. I have mastered the art of the cover-letter, thanks in part to a template I stole from my former housemate's boyfriend. ;)
Around 3 PM I decide if I'm going to continue to hibernate (some people call it being depressed, but whatever), or get up and go to the gym, or out shopping. I'm usually 50-50 on the decision. Today, for instance, I will go to the gym, but I might wait until the Pilates class later on. Oooh...tricky!
If I go shopping, I tend to buy things I don't need with money I don't have. I spent almost 70 dollars yesterday, on Halloween makeup, moisturizer, q-tips and hair products. The most interesting conversation I had was with the cashier at CVS, and she was talking to someone else.
The rest of my day is filled with half-hearted attempts to clean my room, fielding "lunchtime" phone calls from friends, perusing the classifieds and then eating a delicious, homemade meal.
Now, you might think: "Mony, get your ass up off the bed and live! Apply for more jobs! You're just not TRYING hard enough". Well, after Miss Mony applies for jobs, and signs up for auditions, and gets her hair done, she waits. Yes, I shop for suits, I read a buncha self-help books, and I wait. Even in the glory of my newly highlighted hair, in the back of my large head, I am waiting.
(Me, with new highlights)
So that is why, things aren't always funny. I mean, usually they are, but not always.
A Note on Waiting:
The more intense the waiting situation, the funnier it is. For instance, I used to think people were crazy when they complained about waiting at the DMV. It can't be thaaat long. Well, it isn't. But its the most intensely annoying waiting situation I've ever been in. Standing in line at the DMV might only take like, 15 minutes. However, its the process that kills you.
You wait in the first line to get a number. Then, you sit or stand and wait for your number to be called. You are next to a lady who obviously has pink-eye and a one-legged man who keeps singing under his breath. There is a little kid next to you, who keeps picking his boogers and eating it. You stare at the red numbers on that digital counter thing, the one you thought only existed at deli counters. Your number is only 4 away.
Why is it taking so long?! Why!?! Wait, they just went back a number. How is that even possible?! They don't do that in the deli, they only go forward! Otherwise it would be a count down! Can you imagine a count down for cold-cuts!? (No seriously though, how awesome would that be. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...Pastrami!) Oh my gosh, your throat is closing up. You can't breathe. You're going to yell something totally inappropriate in like, two seconds...oh, there's your number. Whew.
So, yeah, being unemployed is not as intense, therefore, not as funny.
Maybe I'll ham it up for you next time. ;)
-Mony Pony
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